Hey beautiful souls!
Ugh forgive me again!! The saying is true that relationships, not only marriages, involves a lot of forgiveness!! Please forgive me!! I know it’s been a while and boy has a lot happened! Hmmm “lot” may be an understatement after I share with you the changes that have been made. So I’m currently going through what I thought would have never been an option. The “D” bomb is a divorce… I’ve been wondering how do I share this shattering part of my life to the world for about a week now.
By the looks of my Facebook, I’m sure nobody could tell that I’ve been really going through it. I’ve had some days where I’ve kept it all together and been in prayer and I’ve had my days where I’ve been screamcrying. Yes screamcrying and feeling like my insides have been set on fire. He left me a month ago now and hasn’t said a word to me for the last week. It’s been really really really hard. Now if you remember some blogs back I shared that he didn’t want me to work. He wanted to take care of the finances and be the man blah blah blah.
Well how about he left me with two months of rent to come up with on my own and a dte bill that’s in his name so I can’t even request assistance for it and HE KNOWS I didn’t have any money or anything. Talk about feeling set up. Yes, I feel set up. I feel like he planned to leave long before he left. I feel used, neglected, abandoned, played, cheated on, manipulated, controlled, deceived, abused and the list goes on. Only God knows how this last month have been for me.
I don’t even know how to tell my little girl about all of this. I don’t want her to blame herself or think he left because of something she did. I’ve felt like I’ve called her. Though I’ve tried everything to make it work with him. At first it felt like a nightmare that I just couldn’t seem to wake up from but everyday I’m home by myself is a reality that this is all really happening.
He took the car, has gotten paid every week and haven’t cared not once whether, not only me, but me or my daughter have eaten or if we needed anything or nothing. Granted, she’s been staying with family here and there and doesn’t know that he’s gone for good; he haven’t known that she’s been gone. I would have never thought a divorce would be on my record. It feels like a felony. Like if it was just a separation, it’ll probably feel like a misdemeanor. But going through a divorce on the other hand is a different story.
I’ve applied to jobs and actually had an interview yesterday so that’s some good news!! Also I’ve had a circle of some great people lifting me up in prayer through all of this. I don’t know what’s lies ahead but I do know me and my princess are in God’s hands. I do know the cycle of starting over will be broken in Jesus name and my girl and I will not have to start over. I do know that God will supply every one of or needs and that this all will turn for a testimony. Please pray for me as I continue to pray for you all!! God Bless!!